Fabulous to be female

I had heard that it was a phenomenon. I had heard that it appealed to women. I had no idea I'd love it so much! It's a social networking site that is DIFFERENT from all the others. And I love it!

Please check out Pinterest. It's a fun and social way to share ideas - and it's based on pictures. You don't have to come up with your own but you can upload your own photos - of stuff you like or are wanting to share. Most people post (they call it pinning on Pinterest) by re-pinning other people's pictures or by sharing pictures they run across on the Internet.

Check it out. You can find me on Pinterest here and see an example at the same time. Then if you want - follow me, Amy Sluss.

And start a profile for yourself - with unique boards (or start with ones they suggest). Join the fun!

You would have been appalled. It was such an egregious example of social aggression and cyberbullying - all rolled into one. A high school administrator shared it with me. About three paragraphs long, it was a screen shot of a seething post from one high school girl to another. And it was very public - the message was posted on a girl's Facebook wall - for all to see.

It was filled with F-bombs, insults, talk of how ugly and fat the girl was and how no one liked her - not even her friends. The hatred went on and on. It made me realize just how much work we have to do - to teach, protect, shore up, support, and build up our girls.

I thought of the controversy surrounding the new Bully movie - the Motion Picture Association planned to give the movie an R rating due to language. That rating would keep middle school and most high school students from seeing the movie. Yet these same high school students (who would be banned from the movie unless accompanied by an adult) hear and read these same insults and words at school, online, and on the bus. Daily. It's an example of how very disconnected we can be as adults and institutions.

The screen shot of the overt bullying and the controversy around the rating of the Bully movie (the producers elected to release the movie without a rating - which limits the showings of the movie - rather than receive an R rating) remind me of these facts:

• bullying is rampant
• only 30% of kids report bullying
• it often cuts deep
• most of us were bullied to some degree and we figured out how to get past it
• on the other hand, bullying can leave scars
• cyberbullying feels very public and therefore sometimes even more humiliating
• most kids who see cyberbullying do NOT believe the negative messages. The viewers/bystanders most often feel compassion for the person who was bullied
• bystanders can play a HUGE positive role to negate bullying and to support those who have been targeted

How do you prepare your kids? How do you support your daughters in an environment as hostile as this? (It's not just high school - middle school is thought by many to be the cruelest years for bullying.)

Talk to your daughter. Send her a daily text message to help her understand and take a stand against bullying (or send her a message of support if you know she is targeted) - sign up here: www.messageaday.com

What will she learn there?

• how to use friends and teachers as shields
• how to stand up for herself
• how to protect a friend
• how to protect herself if the bullying becomes physical

Plus she will receive:

• emotional support
• guidance about what to do online
• encouragement about the future

Why do I like this message service? I helped create it. Message a Day exists to support families - to teach concepts - and to encourage kids.

The content goes beyond a nice inspirational message a day. The message streams are well founded, evidence based, filled with the latest research, tips, facts, and healthy messages.

Check out the bullying streams - and make sure the kids you care about are getting the support they need.

I'm a big proponent of using our strengths to move forward in life. Yet it's essential that we also embrace our weaknesses and our merely average attributes. Here's why. We are a package. We all have strengths ALONG WITH average capabilities, and if we are honest, below-average capabilities. To be well balanced and really able to be self-accepting, we need to know ourselves well and we need to accept our WHOLE self - our strengths, weaknesses, and warts.

If we don't take the time to identify, name, and accept our rather undesirable attributes we have, we go down the road of self-hatred. And this is big in the lives of women. Self hatred, you ask - is it that bad? You may say, "I don't hate myself." However, 97% of women polled last year reported self-loathing. Each of these women had at least one violent thought about her body every day - some had as many as 50 in a day. Violent thoughts = a form of hatred.

I do an activity with girls and women where I ask them to identify parts of their body they like. I ask them to concentrate on that body part. It's a nice first step. We can start paying attention to the parts of ourselves we really like. That can help us move toward a more positive body image.

In addition, we need to come to terms with the parts of ourselves that we aren't so wild about. Because if we don't, we'll be likely to be one of those 97% going down the road to self-hatred. How does that work? Let's say I really appreciate my legs and my hands and I think I have a nice smile. And I really do - but I HATE my butt and every time I look in the mirror think "Oh My God, Amy, your butt is so big you look like a cow. You are disgusting."  If that's how I'm talking to myself then I'm one of those 97% with body hatred and poor body-image. I need to come to terms with ALL of me - the parts I like and the parts I don't like so much.

So I'll start - because I always tell the women and girls I work with that I won't ask them to do anything that I'm not willing to do first. So in my events I always go first - telling a story, admitting to how I feel about my body, or whatever. So here goes - what are my warts and weaknesses? And what do I NOT like about my body? Here are some of my honest dislikes, weaknesses, and failings:

• I don't like my hair. It's too thin for my tastes. And if it's at all humid outside I cannot do anything with it.
• I dislike my fingernails and always wished I had pretty ones like my mother did - or like my sister Deidre or my friend Sandy.
• I'm cranky. So cranky lately that I'm re-naming my self Cramy for cranky Amy.
• I'm paper challenged. I lose papers. I keep too many papers. I feel intimidated by piles of papers.
• I eat too many sweets. Really. That's another post altogether.
• I'm impulsive.
• I could go on.... but you need to develop your own list. Of things you like and even LOVE about yourself and of things that you aren't so happy about.

Go ahead, make your list - the positives, the neutrals, and the negatives. It's all you.  The whole package is wonderful. How do I know you are wonderful? I know you are wonderful because you are human and humans are amazing. You have amazing capacities. You have an amazing spirit. And you are filled with love. Grow the love. Start now.