Fabulous to be female

What a time we live in! Life expectancy for many of us gives us another 30-40 years, even as we move through our 40's and 50's. We have almost another whole lifetime to live yet! Wow!!!

It's more important than ever that YOU, you women in your 40's and 50's, take control of your life and start aligning your life practices with your goals. You literally have decades left to live. If you want to be healthy you will need to bolster up your health goals. It's never too late. I've seen women in their 70's and 80's take on health practices that helped them stay vibrant well into their 90's. Would you like to be vibrant as you age?

It's not even hard. But it takes a bit of dedication and lots of persistence. Here are three things to start thinking about:

1. Your eating habits
2. Your exercise habits
3. Your relationships - are they high-quality or low-quality?

These three areas are the three that have the most impact on your future health. Please don't get all guilty feeling if these areas of your life are in poor shape. Just notice. Then simply begin to think about your values and what sort of health you really want to be in as you age. The final step is to align yourself with your underlying values and act in accordance with those values. Here's an example from my life.

When I was in my early 40s I had a lot of low back pain. I tried many things: physical therapy, stretching and strengthening exercises, anti-inflammatory medications, water therapy, and more. I knew deep down that I wanted to be able to hike and go on backpacking trips as I aged so I stayed active. Mostly I walked.

When I was around 50, the walking wasn't enough of an aerobic workout so i started running (I had never been a runner and didn't even aspire to be one). I also had started practicing yoga. I'm now 54 and I have no back pain or discomfort. I took my first backpacking trip last summer with my 25-year-old daughter. We hiked part of the John Muir Trail in Yosemite. It was a challenging and exhilarating trip and I did it. It was satisfying and wonderful. I'm so glad I stuck with my exercise routines. They kept me in shape and had me primed for the physical adventure and burden of carrying a 30-pound pack through the back-country-high Sierra trails.

Now let's talk about you. What do you value about your physical health? Do you value being able to walk, to hike, to ride a bike? Do you want to be able to live independently? Write down the types of activities you want to be able to engage in as you age.  Then read your list regularly. Start today. Begin, very gradually, to create the type of life you want to be able to live as you age. Whatever you do - take it slowly. Do NOT take on some lofty quick-fix goals for eating or exercise. Slow and steady is the way to make change. It's proven to be the only way that works. And that's the good news. If you are careful, and if you are persistent, you can achieve your health goals with very gradual change. It can be so gradual that you hardly even notice. That's the key. 

An out-of-control or misunderstood emotional response can lead a girl astray. Let's be honest, it can lead a grown woman astray!

We've all seen it:

• The girl who seemed to have so much promise - suddenly shut down at age 15. She's pining away for a boy who she had a short romance with. He ended it and moved on. She froze in place and can't seem to get off of the couch. 
• The 25-year-old who was so confident at 12 and now seems to have no ambition. She's settling in for so much less than she had aspired to.
• The talented 30-year-old who put forth herculean effort to balance work and motherhood. She thought she had made it! Then her husband left her and she lost it. She struggles every day to put on a face to hide her feelings of despair from her children.
• The 53-year-old .... well - we could go on and on here, couldn't we?

What happened to these girls and women? Why did they stop in time? How can they recover and move forward?

Many girls and women get stuck following an emotionally charged event: a break-up, a death, or an unexpected demotion. Others fall into a chronic state of sadness or withdrawal from other causes: feelings they don't understand or cannot control, mild anxiety or self consciousness that grows until it debilitates, or disappointment. What they all have in common is a lack of ability to master and channel their emotions.

Here are a few basics: Girls and women experience a rich and deep emotional life. Female brains and hormones set up that reality. Most girls and women have received little or no training in how to manage their emotional life. So when a life event evokes strong feelings, these wonderfully vibrant girls and women can feel overwhelmed with their strong emotions. It's not a character fault. It's biology. And we must work to teach girls and women the basics of emotional intelligence so they can recover and move on after life's difficulties present themselves. And be sure - it will happen to you, to your daughter, to your girlfriend, and to your sister. We all encounter hard times. Life is filled with struggles and joys.

People who know how to manage their strong feelings recover more quickly and can stay on track with life goals. Those who do not know how to channel their strong feelings can get frozen in time. And it's a dramatic thing to watch - it's like watching a hijacking. There's a powerful force and then the whole system (in this case, the person) goes off on a new and unexpected/undesirable direction. That's why I'm calling it a hijacking. No one plans it. No one WANTS to end up frozen in time.

How to get out of it? Learn about the varied feelings that we all have. Identify how you feel today, tomorrow, and from moment-to-moment. Get good at naming your feelings:

• "I feel annoyed." 
• "I'm sad."
• "I feel overwhelmed."
• "I'm angry.

Accept your feelings (claim them as yours - they are neither good nor bad - the are simply feelings).

Then - make a decision about what you want to do next. This is the trickiest step. And it's the most critical step. You MUST become active. You need a plan. I walk women and girls through this process in my events, starting with middle school girls. Mastering our feelings requires learning and practice. Our natural instincts can lead us down a path that sucks the life out of us.

If you struggle with strong emotions or feel stuck contact me. I may be able to help you. If not, I have a great referral network and I'll happily refer you to someone who can help. If you have a serious issue I will refer you to another type of professional so you can get help to get your life back on track.

I'm one of you.

I'm a woman. I have skills that don't easily fit into what the job market seems to be seeking. However, I have a lot of energy and I have a wonderful network of people I'm close to (and who trust me - and I trust them).

I have work - this work I do to support you and the women of tomorrow; I do some contract work and I lead workshops for girls, women, and mother-daughter pairs (and sometimes father-daughter pairs!). Yet I'm ever on the lookout for a business opportunity. And I've found one that is cool - and available to me - and to you. It's a new mobile phone service company that is utilizing social connections to build a network of users - you and me - who, in addition to wanting a great deal on phone and internet service, want to make money. The services extend well beyond cell phone coverage but the cell phone offering is the initial offering. The cool thing is that you can earn money for using your phone. You don't have do do any spamming. You don't have to be annoying, and you don't have to stand on a street corner to sign people up. YOu just have to tell the people you are close to about the great deal you are getting. And when they sign up, you get credit and some income. The company is using the social networks ( you and me) to advertise so they are funneling the advertising dollars back to the users (you and me).

The sooner you get involved, the sooner you can be making money to augment what you are already doing. The greatest part of it? Once you get it started - the income will be passive and will come to you monthly.

This is no scam. This is legit and potentially powerful enough to change your lifestyle. Here's an article about it so you can see who's behind it and how good their credentials are. Contact me to get more information for you or for someone you care about.

I've been to the health conferences and learned all about what DOESN'T work. I've read the data, talked to hundreds of people, and tried some of the weight-loss plans myself - with little or simply temporary results.

It's clear that information and a plan are NOT enough. To lose excess weight and to establish and maintain healthy living habits we need more. What is that thing called *more?*

The missing element for most people who attempt to lose weight is a clear value system for health, wellness, and future health. Without those values you and I will fail every time. Once you set these values - and you must REALLY believe in them - then you can connect to those values and begin changing to reach those goals of yours.

The secret to weight loss is this: you must do it from the INSIDE out.

Once you and I set up a clear set of values we can start aligning our habits with those values. The research is supporting this approach.

OK - now the question is how does one go about setting those values? I think most of us need a guide. I'm pleased to connect you to one. Her name is Renee Stephens. She has a book and she has a whole BUNCH of podcasts to help you. She's been helping people for a long time AND she mastered weight loss herself over 20 years ago. Check it out! I've listened to some of her podcasts - and think you will benefit. 

You will also benefit from daily support. You can get that at the low rate of $4.95/month at Messageaday.com. Subscribe to the healthy habits message stream - it's designed to teach you and encourage you as you set out to build healthy habits to support your life goals.

My daughter came by and shared this story from a first-grade classroom she was working in. The weather on the day the incident took place was rainy, cloudy, and windy. The kids were lining up at the door to go from one building to another. They began talking about the weather. The kids spoke up, one by one, and said:

"It's windy out there!"

"It's cloudy with a chance of meatballs!"

"It's cloudy with a chance of hotdogs!"

"It's cloudy with a chance of basketballs!"

and the last kid in line, a six-year-old boy cried out,

"It's cloudy with a chance of Sexy Boobies!"

Yep, first grade.

This is not a solitary event. A week prior my daughter had been at a table in the classroom when a boy made a mistake and said, "OH, F..." - he stopped at the "f" sound. The kid next to him didn't miss a beat and excitedly proclaimed, "I know what he was going to say, he was going to say, 'OH, fuck!'"

Yes, indeed.

Kids pick up profanity, sultry references to bodies, and sexual references very early in life. And a school setting (or any public setting), by it's very nature, brings together lots of kids who have lots of different experiences. Some kids have been sheltered and have never seen nor heard references to sex or even swear works. Others have had access to music videos, TV programming, music lyrics, and family talk that is peppered with slang, swear words, and profanity. And some, sadly, have been exposed to R-rated movies and even pornography at frighteningly young ages. And the topics inevitably come up. Ask any teacher, school counselor, or school administrator. They know.

Most often parents don't know.

Parents, even if you have sheltered your kids from sexual references, profanity, and the crassness of the culture, they will hear and learn it all - probably before you think they are ready. If you don't believe it, ask around.

You cannot prevent it. But you can do something to protect your child. You can teach your kids what those references mean and help them understand the context. I learned to do just that the hard way - with my son. He was our third child. He saw swear words spray painted inside of tube slides. He came to me at age six and asked me what "fuck" meant.

One day when my son was 8 and we were driving across town and he asked, "Mom, will you teach me the bad words?" Hmmmm. None of the many parenting books I read had broached that subject at all. I responded, "Let me think about it." The next day I started in. I taught him two swear words. I told them where the words came from, how the words are used today, and why the words are considered disrespectful. 

And I taught my kids about sex early. I wanted them to know before some other kid told them or before they ran into some reference, picture, or other sexually explicit content. Being the one to tell them gave me a chance to teach them healthy attitudes about sex. And I'm really glad I did it. It was uncomfortable. But we all lived through it and it gave us a foundation so we could revisit the subject over the years. And we did.

When my kids were in middle school I asked each one if they knew what oral sex was. They had all heard reference to it but they weren't sure exactly what it was. I told them. They looked stunned and disgusted. Because I was there, I could then tell them what I wanted them to know about it. Yes, people do that. No, not everyone does that and you don't ever have to if you don't want to (believe me, none of them think they will EVER want to). And most importantly, I told them they would hear references and stories about kids their age doing it. And that it's not something that is meant for middle school students. I told them a lot of other things too - but for now, what I want you parents to know is this: kids want to know what you think. They want to know what the boundaries are. They need guidance. Their culture is screaming sex and they don't know how to put it all into context. Start early and never stop. They need it in middle school and they need to hear from you in high school too. My kids are young adults. I'm still telling them what I think about sex.

If you need help, sign up for one of my workshops for middle school or high school families. OR - purchase this program, Talking to Your Kids About Sex: Beyond "The Talk." The program will help you address the sensitive but important topic with your kids. Whatever you do, don't let your children simply pick up the values the culture puts forth about sex. Sexual attitudes are learned. Teach them yours.