Fabulous to be female

A frequent question I get from parents is, "When should I start teaching my kids about sex?" (The short answer is NOW!) The second most frequent question is HOW? 

One of my top three strategies is to use teachable moments. Parents can and should use a variety of teachable moments to give out well grounded wisdom about sex, love, and relationships. Learning about these issues is a life-long task so you need to get started. What's a teachable moment? Here are three that are common in families with middle schoolers.

• Teachable Moment #1: Your daughter wants to wear a top to school that you think is too revealing. She thinks it's no big deal. What to do? Use this teachable moment to teach her that it may be no big deal to her but it is against dress code and could very well be a big deal to a boy who sits next to her in math class. It's got to be difficult to study and learn when your eyes keep landing on the exposed belly, bottom, or breasts of the girl sitting in front of you. Boy's brains are being bathed in increasing amounts of testosterone (testosterone increases 20-fold in the teen years) and their bodies respond with unpredictable erections and spontaneous thoughts about sex. Now, it's not our job as girls and women to control the sex thoughts of the boys and men in the world. It is, however, an expectation and a courtesy that girls and women follow the school guidelines to cover bellies, butts, and breasts when in a setting where learning and work are the priority. Conduct this frank conversation with your daughter. 
• Teachable Moment #2: You hear talk from other mothers about sex acts being performed in the school rest room. This is a prime opportunity for you to relay the story you heard to your daughter and explain to her what these sex acts are (If you are hearing it through the mom network, chances are good that your daughter is hearing about it through the kid network.). While you're at it, tell your daughter what you think of these sex acts in the middle school population. This is your opportunity to instill values around sex and sexual expression. (If you cannot imagine saying these things to your daughter please contact me to set up or attend one of my Growing up Female, Middle School events - I will cover the ground for you.)
• Teachable Moment #3: Your sister and brother-in-law have just announced they are getting a divorce. These are sad and difficult moments in family life. Use the opportunity to help your daughter understand that relationships take a lot of work, are complicated, and change over time. Even people who seem to love each other  sometimes cannot make a relationship work, no matter how hard they try. You can use this teachable moment to help your daughter learn some essential relationships skills. In addition, talk to her about teen dating; tell her what you think about teen relationships, what's appropriate what's realistic, etc.

The mothers and girls in my mother-daughter workshops love the ritual. We stand in a circle, form a web, and each share a thought about what it is, exactly, that we like about being female. Yesterday a 10-year-old girl declared that we (meaning girls and women) have better underwear than boys! I loved that one!! I hear a lot from women and girls about what they love about being female:

• friends
• conversation
• connection
• clothes
• hair
• being mothers
• breastfeeding
• and so much more...

International Women's Day was this week. We spend time looking around at where we've been, we spend time looking at how far we need/want yet to go, and I hope we spend time savoring what it is we have - our femininity, our unique way of viewing the world, our strengths, and our girlfriends.

Savor the parts of your feminine reality that you enjoy. Celebrate those aspects that bring you joy. Teach your daughter to do the same.

Yes, you read the title correctly! It is fabulous to be female and fifty. I should know; I have hit the big 50 and gone on past. It was a wonderful milestone and I vowed to make the decade of my 50's my best decade yet. And so far, it is!

You can do it too. How? Do a self assessment. Set some goals. And go for it. It sounds so easy and simple. But your aren't fooled, are you? You know that change is hard. Change is hard. Life is hard too. But it's lovely and it's worth it. The same is true of change.

I just received this workbook from Seth Godin. It's called Poke the Box Workbook. It's about initiative, fear of getting started, and how to get past those. I highly recommend it and hope all readers will click through and at least read the workbook. It takes only about 10 minutes. 

For those of you who need a little hand-holding, I'm putting together a new course called Fabulous to Be Female and Fifty. It is being designed for women in their 40's and 50's who feel dissatisfied with the status quo and want something different for the remaining 30 years of life. Yes, you probably have 30 years or more to live. What will you do with it?

Keep in touch. Maybe we can help each other. Women need community. We feed each other, encourage each other, and support each other. We get inspired from each other and we care about each other. Let's work together to become the people we want to be in these amazing decades of life.

My blessings to you all.

Amy

Do you know at least one middle-school-aged girl?

Filled with change, uncertainty, and doubt, the middle school years offer a chance for caring adults - mothers, teachers, coaches, aunts, grandmothers, neighbors, and friends - to nurture and guide an 11-to-13-year-old girl into becoming a strong and self confident woman. Your middle school girl is on the road to adulthood. And she needs guides, oh, does she need guides!

Middle school girls need strong women who are willing to tell the truth, about life, love, relationships, sex, and beauty. You know many truths in these areas. Your middle school girl needs to hear those truths. She's not getting them from the culture. She needs to get them from you. And your high school girls probably need to hear those messages too.

A Glamour Magazine poll just released tells us that 97% of young women have violent thoughts about their body. Yes, violent thoughts. Yes, 97%. We should be alarmed. And we should use our alarm and concern to become active and do something.

What to do? Use sound bites to instill positive messages and truths about beauty, sex, and relationships. Help a girl you care about understand her body, her emotions, her reality. Make sure she knows what her strengths are. And finally, love her. Love her for no good reason, except that she is. And because she is a girl you care about, that is enough. Tell her. Convince her that she is good, that she is enough, and that you love her. The hands you see in the photo here were created by middle school girls. On these hands the girls listed their strengths and the important people in their lives. Concrete actions help girls take in and live the truth. Once you tell your girl how special she is help her take it in more deeply through some action or ritual.

If you need help, attend one of my workshops (sign up for a community workshop or schedule your own), purchase my Growing up Female Home Study Course, or contact me to work out something else. I'd be happy to help you. The girls of today can benefit from your intervention and your support. They need you.

You have a powerful affect on those around you, especially those you love and care about. Use your influence. Make a difference.