Fab2bFem

by Amy Sluss

Our culture teaches girls and women to want what they don’t have. We are encouraged to want more, over and over again; it’s a marketing strategy designed for business success. Our daughters are prime targets and are quite vulnerable. Families can transcend these marketing messages and teach other values if they are deliberate about it. Here are three strategies you can use to teach your daughters about gratitude (And yes, the same strategies work for sons and partners so make it a family project!).

 Practice gratitude yourself and do so in a visible manner.  The only way to teach internal practices and values, like gratitude, is to somehow make the practice visible. So you need to either voice your gratitude on a regular basis or find a way to write it out so your daughter can see it. One way to make gratitude visible is by keeping a gratitude log in a visible place and adding to it daily. You could display a poster or a large piece of newsprint on a door or wall. Then write on the poster (in large print) every day. Try to capture and write down three things you are grateful for each day. Then talk about it with your daughter.  

Cultivate a family practice of gratitude. Invite your daughter (and other family members) to join you in your practice of gratitude. She can write on your poster, simply invite her to do so! There is incredible power in collective sharing. Another option is to purchase a piece of fabric (muslin works well) to place in the center of your kitchen table; write down (on the fabric) something you are grateful for each day. Ask family members to do the same. Keep adding to the fabric or poster. Soon it will be crowded with all of the wonderful gifts/blessings of your lives.

 Start and end the day with positive thoughts, affirmations, and reminders. Some families like to list the thing they are most grateful for at the end of the day and then the thing they are least grateful for.  Acknowledging the negative is helpful, and I encourage people to admit to struggles, just don’t stop there – end on the positive or you risk getting “stuck” in the negative. (More on this concept next month!)

Visibly showing your gratitude, and encouraging your family members to do the same, is one of the best gifts you can give your family. This one practice transmits important messages and helps discourage the discontent that the marketing machinery of our culture propagates. That discontent and desire for “more” is all around us and creeps into our consciousness without us even noticing. We can actively turn it around if we try. It’s not even hard; but you do have to do something – or the “I want more” attitude will prevail. What are you waiting for?

Joan was an RN with decades of nursing experience. When she found the lump in her breast she didn’t tell anyone. She couldn’t bear the thought of surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, and all that went with those treatments. She silently hoped the lump would disappear and she kept her secret for a full year before seeking care.  Joan’s lump turned out to be a lipoma, a simple fatty tumor, and it was removed in a minor surgical procedure. She didn’t have cancer after all.

Joan should have sought care earlier; early detection and intervention is the key to positive outcomes in treating breast cancer. A study released at the ASCO (American Society of Clinical Oncology) Breast Cancer Symposium earlier this month revealed that a startling 75% of women who died from breast cancer had not participated in breast cancer screening. Early detection saves lives.

We continue to make progress; breast cancer rates are declining. The most recent report from the American Cancer Society proclaims that breast cancer rates have dropped by another 2%, continuing a decade-long decline. That means about 15,000 deaths were avoided in 2009 alone. This is good news!

And there is more we can do. Healthy lifestyle practices including regular exercise, maintaining a healthy weight, breastfeeding, and limiting the intake of alcoholic beverages can reduce the incidence of breast cancer by a whopping 38%, according to a recent report by the American Institute for Cancer Research/World Cancer Research Fund entitled, Food, Nutrition, Physical Activity, and the Prevention of Cancer: A Global Perspective.

Encourage the women you know to get their mammograms and to seek out care when something seems amiss. Fear and secrecy don’t work, empowerment and action do. Promote breastfeeding. Make changes in your own lifestyle to incorporate exercise, healthy eating, and weight control; your positive example helps those around you change their habits.  It’s time to imagine a world without breast cancer! We must keep working toward this goal. I believe we can do it if we work together and if we help each other.  

Lipstick.  I use it to remind me of who “I” am; to help me claim my strengths. It works; I leave the house with renewed confidence and I think I stand up a bit straighter after I’ve applied my lipstick. How can a simple tube of lip color do all that? It’s a process.

 First of all I don’t wear just any lipstick. I have my color; I chose it carefully. My color looks good on me and it goes with everything.

I apply my lipstick with care. I open the tube and turn the lower part of the cylinder to expose the colorful stick. I look in the mirror and pay attention as I apply color to my upper then my lower lip. Then I press my lips together to blend the color. One last glance in the mirror assures me that I’m ready to go.

I wear my lipstick just about every time I leave the house. I often wear it to the gym too, which may seem odd. No makeup, barely a brush through my hair but I will probably put on my lipstick.

I use my lipstick as an anchor. As I apply it I concentrate on the moment at hand. I remind myself to live an authentic life; to live the truths and values that I carry with me and know deep in my core. This anchoring helps me stay true to myself and to live my life in a meaningful way. It’s a bit of a spiritual experience, I suppose.

None of the great religions include lipstick application as a ritual or prayer form. Maybe they should. I think many of us need contemporary rituals to remind us of what is good and holy and true in the world; they can provide an anchor. Without regular practices and reminders we too easily get swept up in the waves of the latest controversy or the newest game, show, or electronic “application.” There are so many things that vie for our attention; there are so many messages telling us what we should do and who we should try to be like. It’s very easy to loose touch with who we ARE. So I apply my lipstick and I use the ritual to remind me of who I am.

A simple tube of color, that’s what lipstick looks like. But it can be so much more. Does anyone else have a “thing” with lipstick? I’d love to hear your story or your thoughts!

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