Fab2bFem

This Memorial Day, after you pause to remember and appreciate those who have died, spend time noticing and affirming those you still have in your life. Sometimes I get too busy and forget to tell the people I love the most how much I appreciate them. How about you?  

Do not save your loving speeches

For your friends till they are dead;

Do not write them on their tombstones,

Speak them rather now instead.

-Anna Cummins

What would happen if you did what Anna Cummins suggests in this quote? If you told the people in your life that you love and appreciate them – and told them why – what would happen?

I urge you to try it.

 Tell your kids, tell your friends, tell your partner, tell your colleagues that you appreciate them. Then tell them why. What is it, exactly, that you notice and appreciate?

Go through these steps again the next day or the next week.

Be sincere.

 My friend Sandy is good at this. She greets those she is close to with a “Hi Beautiful!” or a “Hey there, Handsome!” on a regular basis. When questioned, she asserts that she only hangs out with beautiful and amazing people; in her eyes all of her friends are beautiful (or handsome!). Sandy and I have been friends for 14 years; her warm and loving greeting has rubbed off on me. Now I frequently greet people in this manner and I want you to know, people notice and they like it. They smile and stand up just a bit taller.

 I learned that emotions were contagious in nursing school, oh so many years ago. And I have watched the phenomenon with interest over the years. Social scientists are still studying the phenomenon and they still agree; positive regard is contagious. You can use this truth to enhance your home life, your work life, and your civic life. People like to be noticed and appreciated. And you and I can make the world just a bit happier and more joyful in the meantime.

 So what do you say, Beautiful? Will you join Sandy and I; will you spread the positive and affirm the people in your life that you appreciate? I hope so.

"Where we keep claiming the light, we will find ourselves becoming more and more radiant."
-Henri Nouwen

 How would you like to be more joyful, event radiant, as the quote above suggests? It sounds good to me! But how do we go about it? That’s the hard part. Or is it? Maybe we have just to apply a few simple principles; that’s what the field of positive psychology is learning and telling us. Here are 3 proven techniques to increase your happiness:

1. Practice gratitude. Each evening, near the time you go to sleep, reflect on your day and list five things that you enjoyed and are grateful for from the day. Those things can be “little” things; they often are. After you make the list spend a few moments concentrating on your list of five and feeling grateful for those moments, events, or people in your life. End your day in this spirit of gratitude. If you are only going to do one thing to improve your happiness do this one and keep it up for at least 30 days. I think you will be amazed and delighted at your results. This one activity alone may transform your level of happiness.
2. Engage in activities that you enjoy and that you are good at. What are those for you? What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? Try to do more of those things. They are a well of healing and rejuvenation.
3. Cultivate and invest in positive relationships. If you don’t have positive relationships in your life get help to transform your relationships and/or get out and meet some new people. Find people you like; hang out with them and learn from them. Get counseling if you need it; it’s amazing how a few simple techniques and strategies can transform some relationships. There are wonderful people out there in the world and there are gifted therapists. Invest in friendships and quality partnerships.

To live a more joyful life you have to pay attention and put forth some effort. But as you can see, the strategies are rather simple. You're worth it. Give it a go. Life is yours to live;  if you want to live it in joy, even radiance, then go for it! It’s up to you.   For even greater reward do this as a mother-daughter activity. Teach the next generation as you boost your own joy.

Women,

It’s fabulous to be female. Do you agree? It can be, you know. We too often apply undue pressure to ourselves and expect too much. The result is that we feel less than fabulous.

I wonder why we, as women, so frequently take good care of those around us and neglect our own health and wellness. Here are four ways you should be CARE – ing for you. I hope the CARE acronym will help you remember to apply these actions and activities to your own life:

C - Compassion: be kind to yourself

A – Affirm your inner goodness

R- Resilience: Cultivate resilience so you can bounce back

E- Enlist the help of others; you are not meant to do it all alone

Let me elaborate just a little:

Compassion: I know women who are compassionate to everyone except for that person they regard in the mirror. These women expect too much. You probably are struggling like everyone else with something – something important. Give yourself some slack. Let go of unrealistic expectations and be empathetic – to YOU. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. It’s OK.

Affirm your goodness: Most women I know can affirm everyone around but then stop, again, when they look in the mirror. You deserve to be affirmed. Give yourself verbal credit (“good job!”) for your good ideas, your contributions, and for completing the everyday tasks that you do. Make it a habit to affirm yourself every evening for at least 3 things you did that day – whether they were mundane tasks (which of course no one else wants to do!) or creative endeavors. You made a difference, take credit for it.

Cultivate resilience. Whatever you are struggling with has the capacity to make you stronger and more capable. Stick with it and figure it out. Then celebrate your resilience.

Enlist the help of others. The world is a complex place; it seems to become more complex every day. Ask for assistance; the people you are close to would probably love to lend you a hand with whatever you are working on or need help with.  Reach out to others, share your burdens, and hire help if you can afford to.

You are worth the CARE.