Fabulous to be female

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Fabulous to be female

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Amy and John GrayI had the occasion to meet John Gray, Ph.D a couple of weeks ago. He has recently released a new book, Venus on Fire Mars on Ice. Most of you, I’m guessing read his groundbreaking volume, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. Dr. Gray’s work allowed my generation of women and men to accept our differences as male/female without diminishing either or stereotyping our roles too soundly. There are few hard and fast rules but there are certainly tendencies. And Dr. Gray helped us see those male/female tendencies and allow for the alternate reality. For that I extend to him deep gratitude.

In his latest work, Venus on Fire Mars on Ice, Dr. Gray teaches us about the differences between males and females once again. This time the focus is on releasing stress and the differing hormonal influences in the female and male brain. The bottom line? Guys are looking for a shot of testosterone to reduce stress, women are looking for oxytocin. Completely different activities cause the release of these two hormones and, of course, the hormones themselves work differently on a male brain than on a female brain. Thus, men and women like to do different things and we have different needs. When we are out of balance, which is common, and I’m guessing the norm for most of us, we can err in our relationships with the opposite sex because – well Men are from Mars and all. What more can I say? I could say a lot but I think you should get this new book and read it. It will help you understand what stress is doing to you as a woman, what stress is doing to the men in your life, and how you might maneuver the stress reduction road to the benefit of you and your opposite gender partner.

Thank you John Gray for once again helping us see that not only are we different but it’s OK that we are different. Indeed it is good. Matter of fact, when we accept ourselves we can more soundly proclaim that it is Fabulous to Be Female!


Once a young woman asked me,

 

“How does it feel to be a man?”

And I replied,

 

“My dear,

I am not so sure.”

 

Then she said,

“Well, aren’t you a man?”

 

And this time I replied,

 

“I view gender

As a beautiful animal

That people often take for a walk on a leash

And might enter in some odd contest

To try to win strange prizes.

 

My dear,

A better question for Hafiz

Would have been,

 

‘How does it feel to be a heart?’

 

For all I know is Love,

And I find my heart Infinite

And Everywhere!”

 

-Hafiz (13th century Sufi mystic) Poem from renderings by Daniel Ladinsky in I Heard God Laughing.

Hafiz is correct. We have much in common. We all have a heart. And this is truly the most important factor.

We do happen to experience the world differently as men and women though. The sex hormones  shape our brain structures so that women have a larger emotional center than men and a superhighway for communication.  Then there are the fluctuating hormones that women deal with daily. They affect how we feel, how we think, and even the way we see the world.

Let's take note of and honor the differences. And let us remember, most of all, that  we have a common heart.

 


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