Fabulous to be female

This Memorial Day, after you pause to remember and appreciate those who have died, spend time noticing and affirming those you still have in your life. Sometimes I get too busy and forget to tell the people I love the most how much I appreciate them. How about you?  

Do not save your loving speeches

For your friends till they are dead;

Do not write them on their tombstones,

Speak them rather now instead.

-Anna Cummins

What would happen if you did what Anna Cummins suggests in this quote? If you told the people in your life that you love and appreciate them – and told them why – what would happen?

I urge you to try it.

 Tell your kids, tell your friends, tell your partner, tell your colleagues that you appreciate them. Then tell them why. What is it, exactly, that you notice and appreciate?

Go through these steps again the next day or the next week.

Be sincere.

 My friend Sandy is good at this. She greets those she is close to with a “Hi Beautiful!” or a “Hey there, Handsome!” on a regular basis. When questioned, she asserts that she only hangs out with beautiful and amazing people; in her eyes all of her friends are beautiful (or handsome!). Sandy and I have been friends for 14 years; her warm and loving greeting has rubbed off on me. Now I frequently greet people in this manner and I want you to know, people notice and they like it. They smile and stand up just a bit taller.

 I learned that emotions were contagious in nursing school, oh so many years ago. And I have watched the phenomenon with interest over the years. Social scientists are still studying the phenomenon and they still agree; positive regard is contagious. You can use this truth to enhance your home life, your work life, and your civic life. People like to be noticed and appreciated. And you and I can make the world just a bit happier and more joyful in the meantime.

 So what do you say, Beautiful? Will you join Sandy and I; will you spread the positive and affirm the people in your life that you appreciate? I hope so.

by Amy Sluss

Our culture teaches girls and women to want what they don’t have. We are encouraged to want more, over and over again; it’s a marketing strategy designed for business success. Our daughters are prime targets and are quite vulnerable. Families can transcend these marketing messages and teach other values if they are deliberate about it. Here are three strategies you can use to teach your daughters about gratitude (And yes, the same strategies work for sons and partners so make it a family project!).

 Practice gratitude yourself and do so in a visible manner.  The only way to teach internal practices and values, like gratitude, is to somehow make the practice visible. So you need to either voice your gratitude on a regular basis or find a way to write it out so your daughter can see it. One way to make gratitude visible is by keeping a gratitude log in a visible place and adding to it daily. You could display a poster or a large piece of newsprint on a door or wall. Then write on the poster (in large print) every day. Try to capture and write down three things you are grateful for each day. Then talk about it with your daughter.  

Cultivate a family practice of gratitude. Invite your daughter (and other family members) to join you in your practice of gratitude. She can write on your poster, simply invite her to do so! There is incredible power in collective sharing. Another option is to purchase a piece of fabric (muslin works well) to place in the center of your kitchen table; write down (on the fabric) something you are grateful for each day. Ask family members to do the same. Keep adding to the fabric or poster. Soon it will be crowded with all of the wonderful gifts/blessings of your lives.

 Start and end the day with positive thoughts, affirmations, and reminders. Some families like to list the thing they are most grateful for at the end of the day and then the thing they are least grateful for.  Acknowledging the negative is helpful, and I encourage people to admit to struggles, just don’t stop there – end on the positive or you risk getting “stuck” in the negative. (More on this concept next month!)

Visibly showing your gratitude, and encouraging your family members to do the same, is one of the best gifts you can give your family. This one practice transmits important messages and helps discourage the discontent that the marketing machinery of our culture propagates. That discontent and desire for “more” is all around us and creeps into our consciousness without us even noticing. We can actively turn it around if we try. It’s not even hard; but you do have to do something – or the “I want more” attitude will prevail. What are you waiting for?