Fab2bFem

The photo you see here is me, when I was a teenager. Wow, I wonder how I would have parented me, if given that task. I was a good student but bored in school. I was involved with a group of friends and a couple of activities but had too much free time on my hands. I broke my share of rules - but never got caught. Knowing what I know now, about parenting and about myself - I would have been challenged to parent "me" when I was a teen. Somehow I/we got through it - without major scars - but with a few scrapes and probably a bit of scar tissue.

Parenting teens is tricky. I've had some practice; we're on our third. Our two daughters are now 23 and 20; we have a 15 year-old son. I think we've gotten better with each one - but I'm sure we've made our share of mistakes, probably an equal number of mistakes with each one.

I used to think there were right ways to parent and wrong ways to parent. While I still believe there are important rules and good practices for parenting, I no longer think parenting is about doing it "right." There are too many variables to think that we can do it "right" or do it "wrong." I think parenting is more about showing up for the job every day, being attentive, and remembering to love along the way. It's easy to get distracted by the other demands of life and the other attractions of life. It's easy to hold-on to the unhappiness and the disagreements that are bound to come up in a household that contains a teen.

Loving a teen is often a choice rather than a feeling. And it's an important choice. Sometimes, when the going gets rough, it is only that love (and the choice to continue with the love) that parents have to hold onto. And it's often enough. Don't underestimate the power of an established relationship based on love. It can get you through some pretty tough times. Trust me - from a teenage girl who broke rules to a parent that has had to choose love over and over again - I know it works wonders.