Understanding what your daughter is going through as she transitions from being a girl to being a woman is often difficult - for you and for her. You want her to thrive. You know you have knowledge she needs.
Overheard
When the mother spoke to her daughter, the girl simply responded, "Mom." The conversation ended. The mother said to me, "It's like she doesn't hear me."
What is happening here? Is the daughter listening; does she hear her mother? Yes, she hears her mother. She hears every word. She may feign disinterest but there's a good chance she will hold onto the wisdom the mother shared with her.
Do be cautious and try not to lecture your daughter. If you do she probably will block you out. Find a different way to share your bits of wisdom. Try telling her a story. Or ask her opinion about something and then share your thoughts. It can help if you talk about things that aren't so directly related to her.
Girls do want to learn from those who have "been there." You have much to offer. Keep talking to your daughter. Keep trying. Much of it does get through. She's likely to pretend that it doesn't but it does.
Fabulous to be female
The girls were shocked by my statement. The mothers all affirmed it. I told the girls (they were 15 years old) that their mothers and I want them to have a wonderful sex life. I asked the mothers if they agreed and they all nodded. The girls were dumbfounded. We had a lot of ground to cover about sex and dating, about being female, about what a great sex life might be like for them. And cover it we did. The event was the "Dating and Sex, What's the BIG deal?" mother-daughter event that I offer for high school girls and mothers (Yes, together!). Above all I promised the girls that we would tell them the truth about dating and sex. And we did. The mothers were grateful to have the subject broken open. Everyone participated; there were 32 of us, moms and girls mixed together. There was a lot of wisdom sharing that afternoon. Moms and girls should talk like this more often. There is so much value in bringing the generations together.
They take on the task enthusiastically. They know what wonderful traits their daughters have. And girls name positive traits in their mothers. We should do this more. The girls and women shine more brightly when they are affirmed in this way. The image you see here is a ">Wordle collection created with the positive qualities that were listed in
a recent mother-daughter workshop.
What positive qualities to the girls and women in your life exhibit? I urge you to share those qualities with the "owner" of the traits. The girl or woman will likely perk up and become even more fabulous. It reminds me of one of my favorite Henri Nouwen quotes, "Where we keep claiming the light, we will find ourselves becoming more and more radiant."
I've seen this strategy work and I think we could use more radiant people in the world. Try it, it's likely to enhance your life and ripple out into the world as well.
Tags
